I lost myself for a while there. I haven’t figured out all 100% why just yet. Part of it had to do with getting too comfortable where I was and putting too much of myself into a relationship where my gut told me it wasn’t right. A relationship where I wasn’t allowing myself to feel my feelings, be my true self out of fear of “coming on too strong” or “too crazy/emotional” as he was not a true match to me, he was the opposite of me. I couldn’t break down his wall, and so I built mine up, over my true self and my mouth. I kept my feelings quiet, I kept my thoughts buried deep.
But I’m back! With a spring in my typing and a new light shining – or dare I say, glittering – on brilliant post ideas.
It honestly took re-reading my blog (and oh my god I need to work on my editing skills…sorry about that) to bring myself back to my own little planet. My planet that is full of joy at the sound of my keys being hit by my fingers tips, of glitter, gold and pretty things, of acceptance of myself, of allowing myself to feel my feelings, of being kind and believing in the good in people.
I think this time around I’m not going to hide much of myself anymore. Often I find I dilute myself to not scare anyone, I’ve been told I have a loud personality and can be intimidating at times (which is strange considering I’m all about being kind; a misunderstanding of who I am). Point is! No more making myself try to fit into someone’s cookie cutter ideas. I am going to struggle with this, especially since I’m back in the dating world, but I have to be true to myself and authentic to what I value. Or I may never find my community, my people.
Follow suit and join me! It’s so freeing and comfortable when you can be yourself.